(So can the old lady, presumably, although I don’t know if I’ve seen an episode where she does.)Īnd those teenagers? They’re… weird. Note that Veloci himself can regain his velociraptor form at any time. The show is about how this 75-million year old supervillain is routinely outwitted by a bunch of teenagers who can turn into dinosaurs. Note also his minions, who are dressed like COBRA applicants who got rejected for dressing too ridiculously. His haircut, somehow, is the most ridiculous thing about the show. And that is an honest-to-God red streak dyed into his hair. This is Victor Veloci’s hair:Īnd, lest you think “Oh, he’s just long-haired, what’s the big deal?” let me show you another picture of Victor Veloci: Has the suspension of disbelief gotten harder yet? Still need more? Okay.
You turn Victor Veloci’s dino-rodents or whatever back into regular rodents via a two-step process: 1) shooting them with a sprayer that causes the “dino DNA” to be sweated out of their skin, and 2) then– I am not joking– sucking the dino DNA up with a vacuum cleaner. The two of them should literally rule the planet by now. He’s insanely incompetent for a 75 million year old immortal dino-person. Victor Veloci’s evil plan is to occasionally turn rodents and fish into dinosaurs, but only a couple at a time. He calls himself… wait for it… Victor Veloci. The other velociraptor is also still around, and is therefore also 75 million years old. Like I said, eventually that line gets crossed. 
Shut up, Science Luther! It’s a kid’s show! Okay.
This means that she was already somehow ten million years old before that explosion, and therefore the oldest living thing on Earth, exceeded possibly only by the other immortal velociraptor, and is therefore…īut that’s Science Luther talking. Velociraptors died out ten million years before the Chicxulub impact. Cassowaries are considerably scarier-looking. If you saw one today, you’d think “Ooh, what a weird-looking bird!”. Velociraptors were the size of turkeys and had feathers. You literally see the two velociraptors diving into a cave during the meteor strike. She is, in fact, a velociraptor! A velociraptor who somehow avoided dying in the Chicxulub impact and “evolved” to be able to turn into a human being. The lady tells them that she is, herself, a dinosaur. They meet this old lady, whose name I can never remember, and she tells them they can turn into dinosaurs. So far, I’m OK! This is basically Daredevil’s origin, right? Spider-Man got bitten by a radioactive spider. They discover it has given them the ability to turn into dinosaurs. A bunch of kids (high school students, old enough to drive motorcycles) go to the beach and get covered in ooze. So let me just lay this show out for you, and you tell me exactly when it gets to be too much. My disbelief is suspended from the firmament itself most of the time, but this show still breaks the hell out of it. There are expensive superhero statues in the room with me and action figures on my desk. I understand that complaining about suspension of disbelief and scientific inaccuracy in a kids’ show is a mug’s game. You didn’t click that, so here are the lyrics:
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